Book Review: Memeluk Kegagalan Bersama Failosophy by Elizabeth Day

Siapa sih yang punya cita-cita untuk gagal? Semua orang di dunia ini pasti maunya sukses, kaya raya dan bahagia. Tapi yang namanya hidup kan, gak bisa ditebak ya? Aku yakin tiap manusia yang bernafas di muka bumi pasti pernah gagal. Entah itu gagal masuk ke perguruan tinggi favoritnya, gagal interview kerja di perusahaan impian, gagal program hamil atau gagal mempertahankan suatu hubungan.

Hidup memang gak akan pernah lepas dari yang namanya 'gagal'. Kalau biasanya buku-buku self-improvement itu nyeritain kesuksesan orang sampai jadi CEO atau orang terkaya di dunia, buku yang satu ini malah nyeritain tentang kegagalan orang sampai ada di titik terendahnya.

Buku Failosophy: A Handbook For When Things Go Wrong by Elizabeth Day membahas tentang kegagalan yang dialami oleh penulisnya dan orang-orang yang dia wawancarai di podcastnya. Tujuannya? Biar yang lagi baca buku ini gak ngerasa sendirian ngelewatin fase 'gagal' di titik kehidupannya masing-masing. Dan bisa menerima kegagalan itu sebagai hal yang nyata.

Ada satu kalimat di Failosophy yang aku suka banget. Jadi inti dari kalimatnya adalah 'kegagalan itu seperti oksigen, nyata, ada, dan kita gak bisa lepas dari itu'.

Buku ini gak akan memberikan kamu motivasi klasik seperti 'jangan nyerah, pantang mundur, yok bisa yok'. Nggak. Karena yang namanya orang baru ngerasa gagal tapi dijejali dengan kata-kata klise kayak gitu gak akan ngaruh apa-apa. Malah menurutku buku ini memberikan kita bantuan dengan cara membuat kita biar ngerasa 'gak sendiri'. Iya, kita gak gagal sendirian di dunia ini.

Seperti dalam lirik lagunya Hindia, "Kita semua gagal, angkat minumanmu, bersedih bersama-sama". Pas banget.

Ada banyak lines dan quotes yang aku suka dalam Failosophy, diantaranya:

The first failure principle starts with acknowledging that failure is a fact. It exists. Like oxygen. You can’t wish oxygen away or live your life trying to avoid it because that would be stupid and impossible. Oxygen is integral to our survival and so, in its own way, is failure. Failure gives us the opportunity to learn, if we choose to let it. You have to make the mistake in order to solve the problem.
- pp. 21

Failure is a fact. The emotion we attach to it is separate and, to a greater or lesser extent, within our control.
- pp. 23

Often, we feel we have to resist what is happening, to chafe against it and pretend it isn’t so. But this never works.
- pp. 28

In your twenties, however, expectation and experience diverge.
- pp. 45

But we can also appreciate that getting older gives us a deeper pool of self-awareness and experience to draw from, and that this helps us build up the resilience we need to cope with uncertainty.
- pp. 53

The truth is, we live in a world of abundance. If that person leaves, there are probably 3.4999999 billion others that can qualify to have the joy of being with you.
- pp. 60

The secret to a long-lasting relationship is therefore to keep teaching and learning from each other, to allow each other the space to evolve, rather than to waste one’s time searching for a mythical soulmate who meets all your many requirements for perfection.
- pp. 63

But what Frances-White told me was extremely pertinent. She said that doing improv on stage in front of a group of fellow comedians was an intimidating prospect and the two greatest enemies to doing it well were ‘fear and ego’. In order to counteract this, her teacher had started every class by getting the participants to shout, ‘We suck and we love to fail!’ The impact this had was to normalise failure, to remove the fear and to banish the ego. If you go into something expecting to be rubbish and expecting everyone else to be equally bad, there is less space for your pride to be dented. In a group of people who are actively seeking not to succeed, humiliation becomes obsolete.
- pp. 72

There was only one problem: the plan never worked.
- pp. 79

What if, instead of planning for a future version of yourself that doesn’t exist, you pay attention to the present you; the one who does?
- pp. 81

The joy of this way of living is that it leaves you space to follow your own passions and instincts when they arise, rather than being constricted by a series of time-sensitive goals you think you have to achieve by a specific point.
- pp. 85

I’ve come to believe that there is no such thing as a future me. There is the me I am right now, and I need to pay attention to her. That’s not to say forward planning is pointless, but unless you can actively contribute something practical towards your future growth right now, there’s no point worrying about the things you can’t yet control.
- pp. 87

Once you admit your own vulnerabilities and choose to share them, they are no longer fearful things to avoid: the adult equivalent of the bogeyman under the bed.
- pp. 92

... the expression of one’s vulnerability is the ultimate show of strength. Being brave enough to share your wounds is an act of compassion that makes others feel less alone. In doing so, failure is reclaimed so that it no longer isolates but connects.
- pp. 105

Would the seven failure principles work?
Spoiler alert: they did.
They worked primarily because they helped me to realise that this failure was something happening to me rather than swallowing me up whole. I could see, for the first time, that the failure existed separately to who I was as a person, and this gave me a strange sense of calm. I knew there was hope, that if I gave it time, the pain would either pass or become livable with.
- pp. 115

We are taught to believe that success is external. We are taught to believe that success will come to us with job promotions, wealth, fame, designer clothes and superyachts. Success, we are told, is the ability to fly first class and accrue followers on Instagram and get tables at the hottest restaurants through the simple deployment of our name. We’ve been told that success is to be known by others, when in truth the most meaningful success is to know ourselves.
- pp. 122

Failure had helped me shed that skin of not-good-enough. Failure had stripped me back and built me up. It had broken me down and challenged me to grow. Failure, and learning how to deal with it, had made me more … well, me. The greatest realisation was that when I was most myself, people responded. They, in turn, felt more able to be honest with me. That creates an unassailable connection. That is the solidarity of failure.
- pp. 123

Failure has been the making of me.
It might just be the making of you too.
- pp. 124

Yup, itu dia reviewku untuk buku Failosophy. Aku sangat rekomendasikan kamu baca buku ini, terutama kalau kamu lagi ngerasa gagal dan terpuruk sendirian. Worth every single story.

See you on next post! 💖

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